Unrespected

You're not being disrespected, you are unrespected (and that's worse)

Disrespect is obvious. It’s the raised eyebrow, the rolled eyes, the pointed comment. You know when it’s happening, you can feel it in your bones, and you can decide — right there and then — whether to push back.Being unrespected? That’s different. It’s quieter. Slippery. It’s the empty space where recognition should be.It’s the meeting where you suggest an idea… silence… and then someone else repeats it ten minutes later to applause.It’s your name missing from the list.It’s the birthday no one remembers.Disrespect is at least active. Unrespected is absence. And sometimes, absence stings more than an insult.What “Unrespected” Really MeansUnrespected: not given respect, not noticed, not valued.You can be unrespected without anyone intending to hurt you. In fact, that’s often the case. It’s not a plot. It’s not an enemy. It’s just… no one thought about you. No one saw you.That’s the cruelest part. You can’t even point to a single act and say that’s the moment. Instead, it’s a pattern. A long, slow erosion of your presence in people’s minds.Why “Unrespected” Is Worse Than “Disrespected”When you’re disrespected, you’re at least acknowledged. Someone has noticed you and decided to undermine you. There’s a target to respond to.When you’re unrespected, you’re not even in the frame. There’s nothing to push against. Just empty air.Over time, that absence can feel like proof. Proof that you’re not interesting enough. Not skilled enough. Not important enough. Even though — and this is important — it isn’t true.The Many Faces of Being UnrespectedLet’s talk about where this shows up. Spoiler: pretty much everywhere.1. At WorkYou show up, do the job, keep the plates spinning. You don’t cause drama, you don’t make mistakes, you just quietly deliver. And yet, somehow, you’re overlooked for the promotion, your projects get handed to someone else, and your wins never seem to make it into the newsletter.
Sometimes it’s about visibility. Sometimes it’s bias. Sometimes it’s just lazy management. But the effect is the same: you’re holding the place together, and no one’s noticing.2. In RelationshipsThis one hurts.
It’s not fighting. It’s not cheating. It’s not the big betrayal you see in films. It’s the slow fade. The partner who stops saying thank you. The one who no longer asks about your day.
You still live together, still share a life, but the part of them that sees you has gone dim. You’re not being insulted — you’re being ignored. And that can be lonelier than being single.3. As a ParentChildren, especially when they’re young, are not famous for their deep gratitude. But for some parents, especially stay-at-home ones, the lack of respect goes beyond childish self-absorption.
It’s partners not valuing the work you do at home. It’s family members brushing off your parenting choices. It’s the world treating you like you’re “not working” when you’re running a full-time, unpaid operation that never clocks off.4. In FriendshipsWe all have that one friend who’s always in crisis. You listen, you comfort, you show up with tea and biscuits or late-night phone calls.
But when you need something? They’re busy. They disappear. Or they say “Oh, you’ll be fine” and change the subject.It’s not malicious — it’s just that your role in their mind is support. They forget you’re also a person who needs it back sometimes.5. In SocietyBeing unrespected can happen at the scale of entire communities. Workers who are essential but underpaid. Artists whose work is loved but whose names no one remembers. Groups who are left out of the story in media, politics, and history books.
When society doesn’t respect you, it sends a message: you don’t count. And fighting that requires more than personal confidence — it needs visibility, advocacy, and solidarity.6. In YourselfHere’s the twist: you can also be unrespected by you.
If you never back your own ideas, never make time for your own needs, never give yourself credit… you’re teaching the world that you’re optional. That you can be left out.Self-respect isn’t just nice to have. It’s the baseline for how other people will treat you.How to Stop Being UnrespectedThere’s no single fix. But there are steps.1. Name it. Just saying “This is unrespected” changes how you see it.2. Separate intent from impact. It matters whether someone’s being careless or cruel.3. Make yourself visible. Speak up in meetings. Share your wins. Remind people you’re there.4. Change the rules. If the environment won’t value you, change the environment — or leave it.5. Respect yourself first. People follow your lead on how to treat you.Why This Word MattersBefore now, you probably had to use “ignored,” “overlooked,” “taken for granted” — all fine words, but none of them hit exactly right.
“Unrespected” is sharper. It gives the feeling a name. And once you can name a thing, you can fight it.Share Your Story
If you’ve been unrespected, you’re not alone. And your story matters. The more we talk about it, the harder it is for people to do it without realising.Tell your story →Explore more: unrespected at work, in love, in life →